I think I won the penis lottery.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize