Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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