and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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