She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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