Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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