Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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