so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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