theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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