Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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