Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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