i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize