Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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