You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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