just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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