next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize