this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize