you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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