This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
tell me about the eggs
Randomize