Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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