I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize