apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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