he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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