If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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