Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize