Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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