Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize