You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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