At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Four minutes until I can fart!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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