at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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