well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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