That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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