OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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