I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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