hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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