kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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