it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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