im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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