Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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