genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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