You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I deserve this hangover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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