Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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