God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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