I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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