im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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