I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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