so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize