my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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