Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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