so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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