So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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